In the late summer of 1983, the most important decision of my life was made, but I wasn’t actually a part of it. I was just a group of cells; a sparkle in someone’s eyes. A woman was pregnant with me, but the discovery of my presence was a bit of a disruption; a surprise. My life is owed to her for choosing adoption over abortion.
I don’t know this woman, but she made a sacrifice that I have a hard time imagining. She chose to proceed with her unwanted pregnancy and put me up for adoption. I have two children of my own. Having been pregnant, and gone through having them, I can’t imagine what it would be like to birth a child and then never see them again. (There goes the lump in my throat.) It’s times like Thanksgiving that bring me into deep thought, but mostly into deep gratitude for what she did. I am thankful beyond words, and I pray that she is happy and healthy.
The Challenges and Blessings within Adoption
“If she was going to change her mind, we had a plan. We were going to Canada. The bags were packed and ready to go,” my mom tells me wide-eyed at least once a year. Well, maybe more than once….I can’t blame her.
There was a 6 month period where if my birth mother wanted me back, she could change her mind. My parents, who adopted me, struggled with fertility for 14 years. When they finally got their baby, nothing was going to take me away. I was 3 days old when I was brought home. For the first 6 months of my life, they were on edge. My mom says the worry was all-consuming at times. If they saw a vehicle slow down in front of the house, or saw someone staring at me, they were immediately on guard. I can’t imagine how nerve-racking that must have been.
The really amazing thing about the whole story of me being adopted is that my husband’s aunt was involved. Yes, she was involved in the “hand-off.”
I was about 11 years old when my parents decided to tell me that I was adopted. I had been asking questions about my mom having me, and wanting to see certain pictures. They felt it was time to explain everything. I handled everything really well, and actually felt pretty special about the whole thing. As a matter of fact, it seemed so special to me that it wasn’t too long after that I made a mistake. I decided to tell a few kids at school. That was the wrong move. The teasing and the suffering that took place after that was pretty rough. I survived, but it was crushing.
The Ding
When I attended the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, I had the privilege of hearing Dr. Christian Northrup speak. She spoke of “the ding” that people who are adopted face. To some, it may sound odd, but to me, it makes perfect sense. The moment she started talking about it, I broke into tears. It was so reassuring. What Dr. Northrup said is that there is an effect that takes place when a baby is not wanted by their biological mother. It’s simply not a natural thing.
The biochemistry between a child and their natural mother gets interrupted when abruptly separated, and this has an internal marking on you, the baby. I’m sure it does for the mother too. It just does. I believe that. Energy; that’s really all we are. I have always felt the presence of that “ding”, and until Dr. Northrup said that, I could never figure out what it was. What does the ding feel like?
It probably feels differently for everyone, but for me, I’ve always been the type to need a lot of reassurance. As a child, I’d have nightmares of being abandoned or left behind. I can still see those dreams in my mind. They’re horrible, and honestly, I get tears in my eyes and a wrenching feeling in my gut just thinking about them. That’s the ding for me. If you’re adopted, and you’ve experienced this, please feel free to share below. I think it’s interesting to hear different perspectives on it.
Regardless of the Ding, Adoption is a Beautiful Thing
When I stop and take in this moment, it never ceases to amaze me that I’m sitting here behind this computer. My life was preserved through the act of adoption, and I was brought into a loving family. A woman made a sacrifice that not many can make. When I’m feeling defeated, down, or overwhelmed, I think of her. I think of my parents, and what they went through in obtaining me. I think of how this life is such a miracle; such a mystery. There’s so many reasons to celebrate, and so many reasons to be happy in this moment.
There’s so many reasons to be thankful. Happy Thanksgiving.
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